Zander glanced at his watch. The long hand had just ticked pass the 12 on his shiny Rolex watch.
"3:00."
It was time. He aimlessly diverted his gaze across the restaurant and observed the patrons. He was seated at the bar, on the narrow end perpendicular to the entrance in a dark corner of the establishment. He coolly tipped his cap. There was a wide variety of people on this busy Friday night. Businessmen coming straight from their place of employment looking to blow off some steam with their co-workers. Housewives drinking screwdrivers and listlessly waving their arms. The barkeeper hastily threw a towel over his shoulder and continued pouring drinks for his thirsty clientele.
Zander placed a bill in the tip jar and slid out of his stool. He grinned at a woman seated to his left, who glanced coyly back at him. She was wearing a mustard yellow blouse and a floral skirt. After a moment, she looked back down at her drink and stirred it slowly.
Zander raised his eyebrows and continued out the door onto the busy Manhattan street. Glancing back down at his watch one more time, he sighed heavily.
"I'm two minutes late already."
Walking down the street, he finally reached his 76 Cadillac, all blue, with suede interior. Pulling out his keys, he inserted it into the trunk and lifted it. Inside was a shiny M-16 machine gun. He slid it into the inside of his coat and shut the hood.
To be continued...
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Sexual Urges
I am at my usual spot (My Other Place) and I am working on my second draft.
Since I don't drink that often anymore, I am feeling a little warm under the cheeks.
Two women just walked in, one wearing a striped top and jeans, and another in a black sweater and skirt. The one in the black skirt has her shirt lifted barely above her midriff ,exposing a tattoo of...something...I can't really make it out. But for some reason I find it incredibly sexy.
I'm not sure if it's because I have had a little to drink, or just that her all black ensemble is alluring me, but I am getting a funny feeling in my pants when I look at her. Maybe it's the way she moves slightly when my eyes are fixated on her, like somehow my gaze has some sort of power over her. That is a huge turn on. I like the kind of interplay where the woman lets me assert dominance over her, but not in a negative way. Instead, she lets me take control. That is incredibly sexy.
Of course we all know that I am the dog and she is in full control of my emotions-- women seem to have that power where they are in full control of their emotions at all times. Of course they tend to be more emotional than men, but they also seem to have no problem in completely letting their emotions run rampant at the drop of a hat. They know how to work their sex appeal, but they also know how to immediately show disapproval if something isn't to their liking. I don't think men can accomplish this with the speed that women can, and that seems to implant some sort of idea that women have this emotional control that men don't have in my mind.
Since I don't drink that often anymore, I am feeling a little warm under the cheeks.
Two women just walked in, one wearing a striped top and jeans, and another in a black sweater and skirt. The one in the black skirt has her shirt lifted barely above her midriff ,exposing a tattoo of...something...I can't really make it out. But for some reason I find it incredibly sexy.
I'm not sure if it's because I have had a little to drink, or just that her all black ensemble is alluring me, but I am getting a funny feeling in my pants when I look at her. Maybe it's the way she moves slightly when my eyes are fixated on her, like somehow my gaze has some sort of power over her. That is a huge turn on. I like the kind of interplay where the woman lets me assert dominance over her, but not in a negative way. Instead, she lets me take control. That is incredibly sexy.
Of course we all know that I am the dog and she is in full control of my emotions-- women seem to have that power where they are in full control of their emotions at all times. Of course they tend to be more emotional than men, but they also seem to have no problem in completely letting their emotions run rampant at the drop of a hat. They know how to work their sex appeal, but they also know how to immediately show disapproval if something isn't to their liking. I don't think men can accomplish this with the speed that women can, and that seems to implant some sort of idea that women have this emotional control that men don't have in my mind.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
ok so i finally made a facebook again after a long time...
i don't know why i made it but i just did. actually i do know, i was thinking about andria.
andria is a fling from a long time ago. i call it that because i don't know what else to call it.
memory time...
she first hooked up with my roommate john. i think she liked that he had dreads. then i think she started to like me because i knew some music she liked and i played it off cool... at least that's what it felt like to me. i don't know. maybe because i didn't show any interest in her she wanted me. but secretly i did. it was just a game i grew up knowing how to play with girls. so i just playing the game. then i think she thought she had to have me, so she did. and i fell for it because i love it when girls show interest in me, because it makes me feel important, it makes me feel like god. so we slept together for a few months, but the relationship never really went anywhere. we almost had sex once, but i didn't have a condom and i was really nervous and didn't know what to do so i didn't "put it in." i don't know how she felt about that but she grabbed me and pulled me close so i couldn't really do aynthing after that even if i wanted to. because i think my boner was going down and i was kinda in an awkward position to begin with. i still don't know anything about sex.
but for some reason i still cn't stop thinking about her. i think it's because its the farthest i've ever gotten with a girl. so something in my subconscious keeps going back to her. like in nature, since i was the closest to getting her pregnant, my mind keeps going back to her. for survival it's like "have sex with her! impregnate her!"
and at this point i'm just looking for ways to make the thinking as smooth as possible. i've been trying to find a girlfriend in taiwan, but it's so fucking hard.
all these girls just want to talk and then i end up at a point where i just make up an excuse in my mind for why i shouldn't pursue it. then i get paranoid that other people are listening so i can't ask them out or anything. like it fucking matters. what i'm going to do right now is eat my tomatoes, finish my beer then go out and buy a pack of smokes. maybe.
we'll see what happens.
right now i just want something that feels good.
i also decided to stop watching porn. it's unhealthy to watch other people having sex, especially that frequently. something about it is mentally unhealthy. i gotta think of more natural ways to pleasure myself. maybe in the shower. but once in a blue moon, idk. not so much. because it feels like all i think about is girls and how to get laid, and that's not good. because a person should think about a lot of things....
i also need to stop this really embarassing thing i have. itchy anus. my ass gets sweaty and it itches a lot, and i end up itching my butthole and the surrounding area. i think i may have hemmroids or something really unhealthy back there. i've done some damage i think from months of this scratchign.
i don't know if i should visit a doctor, but i probably can't in taipei. i will have to return to the states to do that. starting tonight i will try my hardest to resist the urge. sometimes i wipe it with a tissue but that still doesn't help, because i just wipe too hard and sometimes blood comes out.
it's really disgusting and probably dangerous. i think i will just maybe gently massage it with soap in the shower until it heals up. i don't know. it's a constant worry of mine and i really, really want it to be healed.
i tried trimming some of the hair around the area to reduce the itch. i don't know if it helped or not. i hope it did.
my server at the bar has really pretty eyelashes. he also has thick glasses like me. and yeah it's a guy. lol.
eyelashes are an underrated part of the body. they are so thin and pretty. haha
i don't know why i made it but i just did. actually i do know, i was thinking about andria.
andria is a fling from a long time ago. i call it that because i don't know what else to call it.
memory time...
she first hooked up with my roommate john. i think she liked that he had dreads. then i think she started to like me because i knew some music she liked and i played it off cool... at least that's what it felt like to me. i don't know. maybe because i didn't show any interest in her she wanted me. but secretly i did. it was just a game i grew up knowing how to play with girls. so i just playing the game. then i think she thought she had to have me, so she did. and i fell for it because i love it when girls show interest in me, because it makes me feel important, it makes me feel like god. so we slept together for a few months, but the relationship never really went anywhere. we almost had sex once, but i didn't have a condom and i was really nervous and didn't know what to do so i didn't "put it in." i don't know how she felt about that but she grabbed me and pulled me close so i couldn't really do aynthing after that even if i wanted to. because i think my boner was going down and i was kinda in an awkward position to begin with. i still don't know anything about sex.
but for some reason i still cn't stop thinking about her. i think it's because its the farthest i've ever gotten with a girl. so something in my subconscious keeps going back to her. like in nature, since i was the closest to getting her pregnant, my mind keeps going back to her. for survival it's like "have sex with her! impregnate her!"
and at this point i'm just looking for ways to make the thinking as smooth as possible. i've been trying to find a girlfriend in taiwan, but it's so fucking hard.
all these girls just want to talk and then i end up at a point where i just make up an excuse in my mind for why i shouldn't pursue it. then i get paranoid that other people are listening so i can't ask them out or anything. like it fucking matters. what i'm going to do right now is eat my tomatoes, finish my beer then go out and buy a pack of smokes. maybe.
we'll see what happens.
right now i just want something that feels good.
i also decided to stop watching porn. it's unhealthy to watch other people having sex, especially that frequently. something about it is mentally unhealthy. i gotta think of more natural ways to pleasure myself. maybe in the shower. but once in a blue moon, idk. not so much. because it feels like all i think about is girls and how to get laid, and that's not good. because a person should think about a lot of things....
i also need to stop this really embarassing thing i have. itchy anus. my ass gets sweaty and it itches a lot, and i end up itching my butthole and the surrounding area. i think i may have hemmroids or something really unhealthy back there. i've done some damage i think from months of this scratchign.
i don't know if i should visit a doctor, but i probably can't in taipei. i will have to return to the states to do that. starting tonight i will try my hardest to resist the urge. sometimes i wipe it with a tissue but that still doesn't help, because i just wipe too hard and sometimes blood comes out.
it's really disgusting and probably dangerous. i think i will just maybe gently massage it with soap in the shower until it heals up. i don't know. it's a constant worry of mine and i really, really want it to be healed.
i tried trimming some of the hair around the area to reduce the itch. i don't know if it helped or not. i hope it did.
my server at the bar has really pretty eyelashes. he also has thick glasses like me. and yeah it's a guy. lol.
eyelashes are an underrated part of the body. they are so thin and pretty. haha
Thoughts
Sometimes it sounds like I hear my name everywhere I go. It's really weird and kind of freaks me out. I've had visions on acid before where it seems like life is just something that is created out of my brain, and everything I ever see or experience is just a cruel trick of my mind.
Who knows if this is true or not. It's possible that it is true, and if it is, how crazy would that be?!
Sometimes certain events happen at just the right time, with such perfect timing that it makes me think that it seriously is like a house-- life I mean-- and every door is just a path to a different room.
It's kind of disappointing because when you are growing up you are taught to believe that the world is limitless, and the only boundaries are your imagination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But the older I get, and especially my experiences here in Taiwan, and especially walking around the streets and shit...... it's so much stranger than ever before.
I also have this weird moral compass that I seem to be developing. That I shouldn't swear or do bad things or even think bad things, because something bad will happen because of it. Where do these ideas come from?
If a person wants to do bad, he can just do it. It's an impulse that he either chooses to act on or not act on.
But for some reason there is this invisible force that holds society together. Somehow, things get done. We create buildings. We create businesses. And it's all in perfect order. What should we call this perfect order?
Who knows if this is true or not. It's possible that it is true, and if it is, how crazy would that be?!
Sometimes certain events happen at just the right time, with such perfect timing that it makes me think that it seriously is like a house-- life I mean-- and every door is just a path to a different room.
It's kind of disappointing because when you are growing up you are taught to believe that the world is limitless, and the only boundaries are your imagination!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But the older I get, and especially my experiences here in Taiwan, and especially walking around the streets and shit...... it's so much stranger than ever before.
I also have this weird moral compass that I seem to be developing. That I shouldn't swear or do bad things or even think bad things, because something bad will happen because of it. Where do these ideas come from?
If a person wants to do bad, he can just do it. It's an impulse that he either chooses to act on or not act on.
But for some reason there is this invisible force that holds society together. Somehow, things get done. We create buildings. We create businesses. And it's all in perfect order. What should we call this perfect order?
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